Let Us Begin

Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today.

So Blessed {part 4 in a series}

on April 1, 2012

…To say that I was left dumbfounded by the words that had just come out of my friend’s mouth is an understatement.

Please keep in mind that she had no idea that we were even open to adoption to begin with, that we had been considering a child with special needs, or that we had been pursuing the waiting child program in China specifically.

(Did I mention the fact that this little one on the way is half chinese?  Just that fact alone left me wanting to laugh out loud at the intricacy of preparation that had gone before in our hearts and minds to ready us for all that God had in store.  I couldn’t tell you why China was so strongly on our hearts but I can honestly say that out of all of the many options out there, it was the only one that was ever seriously considered for more than a brief period of time. I had many friends ask why – “why not africa or eastern europe or the children in need of a family right here at home”?  I never had a good answer for them.  In my head, I thought, “you are absolutely right.  I could care less where our children come from” – race, gender, culture, etc. seemed so superficial and inconsequential when faced with the very real needs of children left to face this world alone.  It truly made no difference to me.  The only answer really, not that it made any sense to me at the time, was that every time I closed my eyes to go to sleep at night or to pray for the children that would someday be ours, I always pictured a Chinese baby every.single.time.  I even tried to force myself to envision other possible realities but for some reason I just couldn’t.  It never felt … right.)

She certainly knew nothing of the conversation that Johnny and I had the night before regarding her child specifically that had so melted my heart….

and even if she had known every single one of those things, still to be told be another woman that out of all the families in the world she would choose ours for her child, that she would want me to be her baby’s mother, the one that would someday be called “mommy” … the full weight of all that means was just so overwhelming, so humbling, who am I?  (and there I go again, these tears…seriously)

I somehow managed to pick my jaw up off of the ground and regain my composure enough to stammer,

“well, you know…that could be a possibility”.

Now it was my friends turn to be surprised (smile).  The look on her face was a mixture of confusion, hope and concern as she realized the full gravity of what she hadn’t even really intended to ask me, that I had taken literally something that she meant theoretically, that she was searching for a family like ours, not necessarily us specifically and quickly qualified it saying,

“I don’t want you to adopt because you feel bad for me”!

I assured her that although I would like to think of myself as the kind of person that would do anything for a friend in need, that would definitely go above and beyond even my willingness to help if it was really just about that.  Far from it, we had felt the Lord put adoption on our hearts for some time now, that we had already been pursuing adopting a child with special needs long before this baby had even been conceived…

There are no words to describe the change that took place in her whole countenance as the reality of what I was telling her began to sink in.  (The closest thing I can compare it to is the joy on the face of an adult convert emerging from the confessional for the first time after having been absolved from a lifetime’s burden of sin).  There was a visible change that was incredibly evident as the weight of the world lifted off of her shoulders from the light in her eyes to the physical tension melting away in her body.  It was as if a wave of peace washed over her, from that top of her head to the tip of her toes, as she began to realize the wonder and awe of God’s hand at work to bring us both to this place and exclaiming that if all I was saying was true how funny it was that,

“after all that, I just showed up here in your office”?!

Yeah, God certainly does have a sense of humor.  it really is pretty incredible, the mercy of our God.

She kept saying how blessed she would be to know that her baby would be so loved, that she wouldn’t have to worry if she would be okay and how blessed her child would be to be a part of our family.  I couldn’t even begin to express how blessed we would be too to welcome such a precious new life into our family’s embrace.

We ended that time together in prayer, agreeing that we would all continue to seek God’s perfect plan for this little one, that we were open…

-Alison

 


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